Blog

A Year

When the astronauts are sitting atop of a powerful rocket awaiting launch into space, among the many concerns is ‘back time.’  Simply put how long they have been sitting in the same reclined position. Last year this time, I was reminded of that when I saw a plane preparing to land at Teterboro airport. It was a clear, pretty almost spring day. I always get excited for the warmer weather but I was definitely psyched because my play The Biddy Contract was going to open in two days.

In so many ways it was the only thing on my mind. But my life is full and it was moving forward, I showed the plane to my toddler granddaughter as we left her gym class, we had a few errands to run before I got her home for a nap.  I buckled her into her car seat taking her shoes off just in case she fell asleep the transfer to her crib would be smoother. As I buckled my own seatbelt, my phone rang. My director had concerns about this Covid thing and thought we should   cancel the performance of The Biddy Contract. I had heard of Covid. There had been extensive stories in the NY Times since January about China and then Italy and a few cases in the US. But cancel my play? It was a year in the making. It was good work.

Another plane flew overhead. I remembered standing on the Causeway at Cape Canaveral with my husband waiting for the launch of a shuttle mission. The astronauts train extensively for the opportunity and they would be willing to lift off despite increasing risks.  He said that is why astronauts uninvolved with that particular mission evaluate the risks and can call it off. I knew my director was right. I agreed, sad and reluctant but I agreed. That afternoon my granddaughter and I picked up her siblings from school and we have been home ever since.

I canceled the same trip three times since last year and I haven’t been in New York City since March 8, 2020.  We became lockdown groupies. We virtual schooled. We baked bread. We attended rallies and protests, well masked and on the edge of the group but we were there. We cheered the health care workers.  We filled our windows with posters and chalked the sidewalks. We paraded the kids, scooters and all, to the Town Hall and together full of hope we voted by mail. We overcompensated because none of us expected to be talking about a first anniversary of Covid.

I’ve changed and learned a few things. Walking seems to be more prevalent for everyone. In the mask-wearing world everyone looks like the pixelated images shown on TV to hide one’s identity but we greet each other all the same. Our topics of conversation have changed because everyone’s sphere of influence has shrunk. Exercise is actual conversation. I compare my steps and rings with my daughters and sister and friends. Yoga is part of my life. It is suitable for my third-floor bedroom and practicing, showing off my grasp of the lingo, on a regular basis illuminates every dust bunny on the floor.  The Swiffer comes out more often, too. Namaste.

I switched to CNBC which gave me just enough news without the depressing after taste, especially during the election cycle.  I followed the markets and made a few bucks. I’ve zoomed and facetimed enough for a lifetime. Hopefully everyone is beyond the foolishness of taking the zoom meeting to the toilet with them.

In the last year I felt like I was trapped in a desperate book/movie plot, like Nevil Shute’s On the Beach, where everyone is going to die.  I have shown my resilience, which is coping (see March 1 definition) with an attitude, a big f***ing attitude.  Day after day it has been an effort to be present and continually put out, put upon, and provide the effort that helps the soul calm down. Resilience makes one grateful and angry at the same time.  I’m grateful that my family has stayed safe and secure during this year but at the same time angry because Covid heightened the my realization of sense of insecurity that some people live with all the time.  

While we have all been caught up in the eye of this wretched storm, not everyone has had the benefit of my good boat of resilience. We need to hold on just a little longer and then we will have an opportunity to build a more equitable world.

We’re gonna need a bigger and better boat.